Is Anything Too Hard for the Lord?

Two of my sisters have really, really adorable babies that I tragically don't get to see much. I should say that I don't get to see them much in person because I do get to see them on our family group chat every day. And let me tell you, it is a highlight! How amazing that my sisters who used to be babies themselves are now radiant mothers. And man, being a mother is involved! There is so much more to it than anyone who has never done it would ever know. We often have three-way phone calls (we always miss Carolina on her mission), and there is a lot said about sleep schedules, rolling over, 6-9 month clothes, diaper brands, and more. Sometimes my little green monster pops up and tries to make me feel sorry for myself. Even though parenthood is hard, having my own family is one of my deepest desire. Luckily, I have so much faith in the Lord's promises, and like the line in Amazing Grace says, "He has promised good to me." In the meantime, I will enjoy my long-distance relationship with my sisters and their adorable children. 

Unfortunately, I have been experiencing quite a bit of anxiety lately. It's not the greatest, but it's slowly getting better. It kind of comes and goes and if I really get into it, it feels hard to get all the way out. It's connected to fears, trauma, stress, sleep, health and all the things. If I could get over it just by trying really hard, it would be long gone. But I guess that's how almost every hard thing in life goes. If everything were just easy, nothing would be hard, and hard is important. As I work towards better emotional health and self-reliance, I am learning to feel more comfortable working through those hard things on my own. Still, I am so grateful for the people who are willing to walk with me. They might not know what I'm going through or even say the exact right thing, but they are there. I want to be like them. 

The most supportive of all these supportive people is Jesus Christ. We talk and focus so much on Him in the church that it can almost feel routine. Leaning on Christ is something that gets talked about sometimes more than it really gets done. Well this week, I had some experiences that helped him feel more real. Cristian and I had a long conservation about how we can turn to the Lord when we need Him most in our hard times. Christ is there just waiting to bless us, and I'm so glad! Mostly because I NEED Him, and He is generous and selfless enough to always, always help me even when no one else can. There will be moments when I'm struggling along all alone and where I feel like I just can't do what I need to do. Christ truly does take our burdens and work miracles. He does the impossible. 

I have been thinking so much about the lesson Sarah learned in the Old Testament and the answer to this faith-filled question: "Is anything too hard for the Lord?" I probably spend too much time wrapped up in my own little problems, and sometimes I think that they're too hard. You have your own roster of soul-stretching problems, and so does every single person ever. Well, none of them are too hard. 

Like Sarah, we can hold on to what is good and trust patiently that the Lord is more than capable of ironing out our wrinkles. I will keep trying to clean up my little messes so that he can pay for the damages. I will continue to hold onto what is good and coach my brain to create better, healthier pathways. 

One way I'm doing this is by making videos. (Also I just wanted to talk about my videos, so this is my segue, lol.) I started making Instagram videos about my life and the culture in Spain. Part of me feels cringy, awkward, unattractive, and attention-seeking. Another part feels so proud of myself. They are just little videos, but they have given me a lot of happiness and satisfaction. I love getting to share my thoughts and perspectives and expressing myself. Of course I'm happy when people watch, but I feel like I'm also documenting this time in my life for my future children (that I will have) and just for myself. I'm celebrating and sharing and focusing on the good. What amazing power the Lord has given me to be able to choose to do that. 

Indeed, nothing is too hard for the Lord.