Consider the Lilies

 

This week was the best I’ve had in quite a while. I’m surrounded by so many blessings. And my worries and fears have improved so much! I started meeting with a new therapist that was kindly referred to me. (That’s the thing about therapists. When you move states, you have to get a new one even if they’re on Zoom.) But it’s a very new experience for me. He’s my first male therapist and instead of always talking about what’s going on in my life, he teaches me skills in a very structured way and has me practice them throughout the week. I like it a lot. 

One great thing I’ve been learning is how to distance myself from my own thoughts. Most nights, I’m feeling good and happy and energetic and hopeful, but most mornings I wake up and immediatelyw start having a whole bunch of negative thoughts. First it’s the desire to just stay in bed, and then it’s worries about the day, fears about the future, negative thoughts about my problems, and on and on. 

Well, I learned that our brains can be “dictators.” When I have spiraling negative thoughts or worries, my brain is trying to scare me or make me do something or convince me to think a certain way. BUT, just because I have a thought, doesn’t mean it’s true. I am not my thoughts. I don’t have to listen to my dictator.

So in the morning I tell myself: “I’m having the thought that I don’t want toget up. I’m having the thought that I’m worried about x, y, and z. The dictator is telling me to worry. The dictator is telling me that I’m not good enough or that something bad might happen.” 

Suddenly I’m not a negative worrier. I’m just the hearer of thoughts. Then, I take it a step further. My therapist didn’t teach me this part, but it helps the very most. I replace the “dictator” thoughts with thoughts from the spirit. 

And I say those out loud too. “I am strong. The Lord loves me. I am a beautiful, capable daughter of God. The Lord has great things in store for me. I can do this.”

I’ve always felt like positive affirmations can be kind of hokey, but when I’m able to take a step back from my overactive brain and the negativity that’s so easy to focus on, it’s easier to let in, welcome, and believe the spirit’s voice.

This doesn’t mean that everything’s going to be awesome like the Lego song says. We don’t know if a day will turn out to be awful or fantastic. Both are viable outcomes every single day. For some reason, the Lord doesn’t let us know all the details of the future.  

I guess I can see why that is. Imagine if Katie and Olivia had known ahead of time that something horrible and unavoidable was going to happen to them. I don’t think that would have helped too much. And the same with good things. I don’t think we’d appreciate our blessings when they come nearly as much if we had known all along that they were coming. 

The other night, my parents and I read about missionaries in Doctrine and Covenants 84 who were told that they shouldn’t worry about what food they would eat or what clothes they would wear because the Lord would provide.

I commented that sometimes it’s really, really hard not to worry! Things matter and we care, and that’s why we stress. 

But the Lord goes on to tell them to “consider the lilies.” And in verse 88, he says:

“. . . I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up.”

This certainly applies to more than missionaries. The Lord is with us and will bless us. If he cares about a tiny little flower, he surely cares about me. So I need to do my part and then let go and let him take care of the future. 

And bad things WILL happen. For sure. There will be more divorces and more car accidents and more cancer, and a million other bad things. There’s no use hiding under a blanket of fear. We still need to go out and do many good things with faith. We need to get out of bed! 

That’s because good things WILL happen too. Blessings and joys and healings and tender mercies and glorious miracles are ahead. People we change for the better through Christ. People who trust the Lord will triumph over evil as well as discomfort, uncertainty, loneliness, unkindness, poverty, sickness, pride, contention, and everything else. 

One of my all-time favorite choir solos was in Lux choir in the song “We Shall Overcome.” 

I feel like I’ve been writing a lot more about my abstract thoughts and gospel principles than my actual life. Sorry if it’s boring to read. I’m definitely in a learning and growing kind of phase. It’s great. 

So no matter what happens, I’m going to trust the Lord. I will still worry I’m sure, but I’ll try not to. I’ll work hard and then hand over the result to Him. I’ll enjoy an easier yoke and a lighter burden.