I'm Back!

 Oh my goodness! It's been over a month. One thing that always amazes me is how much people care about my life. One of my dear aunts just messaged me on facebook and said that she can't wait to hear about my Christmas, how it went bringing Cristian home to Nevada, and how I am doing. So nice of here! Well here I am. 

First of all, I'm doing so, so good. I think I've had my best first half of January in many years. The first half of January, historically, is not the greatest. During Christmas, I experienced a lot of fun and joy. Even more than that, I feel like so many of my experiences of the last month (good and bad) have culminated in me feeling more peaceful, grateful, hopeful, safe, and confident. That's not stuff that happens every day, so hooray for that!

So here's the update. The Christmas season in Logroño was delightful. As I wrote about earlier, the city lights were so beautiful, the little Christmas market was adorable, and teaching my students about Christmas vocabulary and traditions all month was great. Singing in church and in my choir for Christmas was also super lovely. Our awesome friend Miguel plays the piano, and he asked if I wanted to sing "Oh Holy Night" in sacrament meeting and said he would accompany me. "Yes, of course I want to do that!" It turned out to be one of my favorite performances of any song I've ever given. We tragically forgot to record it, but it felt so special and I was so happy. Miguel also played beautifully. 

Then school finally got out, we packed our bags (lightly, because we knew we would be returning with some additional good stuff), and off to Nevada we went. It took 50 hours from door to door. We did not sleep in a bed during those 50 hours. The first 24 hours, I slept about 40 minutes total. I've never done that in my literal whole life! It was crazy. 

Paris:

We were tired, cranky, and overwhelmed and had quite a few problems during our travel, but we had some important learning moments. We also had lots of high points. We went to Paris! I had never been to France and neither of us had ever been to Paris. We had a 14 hour layover in Paris (I accidentally thought it was two when I booked it, lol). Unfortunately it was from 8 pm to 10 am, but we still made the most of it. It was definitely cold but not nearly as cold as it had been in Logroño, so we stayed out all night. Firstly, the Eiffel Tower was way more beautiful than I expected. There is pretty landscaping around, and you can literally walk underneath it. It was all lit up and felt magical. We went to the Eiffel Tower at midnight, the Louvre at three in the morning, and Notre Dame at four. It was all so cool, but Paris can be sketchy at night. I was real glad to be accompanied by a big, strong man. After growing up in Santa Cruz, Cristian is very alert to danger and takes protecting me very seriously. So pretty much I'm a princess. Also we probably saw 25 big rats. Like so big! Ratatouille came from somewhere I guess. Figuring out how to get back to the airport after the train closed for the night was ultimately unsuccessfully, but luckily the train opened back up at five am, and we finally dragged ourselves back to the airport and onto the plane. It was so worth it, but I don't want to do it again anytime soon. 

Utah:

Once we got to Utah, my angel cousin Emma picked us up, let us use her shower (which we were dying to do), went to Cupbop with us, and showed us her cute, new apartment. We met up with my dear, dear, dear, amazing friend Molly and with Hyrum and Emma (his girlfriend, a different Emma). For his first impression of the United States, Cristian was amazed by the friendliness of strangers and customer service workers, the largeness of the the streets (and the largeness of everything), and the free refills. 

Then we went to temple square. Cristian loved it! He is so tender. We walked into the Conference Center and he started crying with the spirit. He said that all of that normal for us (I have spent so many hours in there), but for him, it's unbelievable. The spirit IS so strong on temple square. It was so nice to get to spend time with some of my favorite people, and show him the headquarters of the church and gospel he loves so much. He and Hyrum decided that it is our Vatican. True, true. 

When Liberty and her family landed, we piled in the Expedition and came home! At like one in the morning Nevada time (don't ask about Spain time), we finally dropped into beds. Hooray!

Christmas in Starr Valley:

Christmas in Starr Valley is always magical. Cristian has since been telling everyone here how wonderful my family is and how it felt like an American movie. There was definitely a LOT going on. First of all, the dynamics of my family are so, so different now. We suddenly have two babies. This was our first year of that. We had to be quiet a lot, our schedules all revolved around their waking and sleeping, and (lol) we had fewer arguments. I think we were all kept pretty busy between babies and significant others (and missions). Everyone in our family has a least one of these things. The babies are SOOOOO cute! I love them. Being a mom to a newborn is no joke. Honestly, I'm unironically completely terrified to do it, and it's impressive to see my sisters bravely walking that crazy road. 

We spent a lot of our time and focus with my grandparents. How I love and adore them. I want to be like them someday! My grandma's health isn't very good, and we were able to spend a lot of time with her. She is the best, sweetest, bravest person in the world. My grandpa showed Cristian his shop, and Cristian's mechanical brain was definitely properly impressed with the genius of my grandpa! It was very tender and hard for me to say goodbye to my grandparents at the end of the break. 

Also, my parents left on a mission to Ghana! They are just serving for six months, but still. Isn't that wild? I'm so proud of them. I got to sing at their farewell and then we had like eighty million people at our house. I'm sure that's how it felt to Cristian. He met so many people! (My Grandma Laura kind of interrogated him, but he did great.) I loved getting to talk to everyone. We have so many great friends and family members. 

During the week, we did sealings in the Elko Temple (it was my first time doing ordinances there and it was so special), ate at the Star Restaurantand appreciated our Spain and Nevada Basque connections, and had a male vs. female gingerbread house making competition with Hyrum, Lili, and Josh. We were invited to a special Mexican Christmas dinner and program with the Cobians. We spoke some good Spanish there. We also had such a beautiful Christmas Eve program, a happy Christmas morning, and a fun New Year's Eve party. We tried the Spain tradition of eating twelve grapes in twelve seconds for good luck at midnight. It was much harder than it sounded. We had big grapes, and I think I ate five in the time. It was still fun though.

Cristian in the USA:

Cristian did so well! We were both really nervous for him to be there with my whole family, maybe more than we should have been. But he helped my mom so much, talked with everyone, and was so gracious and kind and fun and wonderful. He made a huge tortilla patata for our family, and it was a raging success. He also appreciated everything so deeply. 

We had a few stressful times. I hesitate to write that because I don't want people to worry. It's always hard to curate a complex, three-dimensional life into an palatable, coherent blog post for public consumption. In essence, we both put a lot of pressure on ourselves for everything to be perfect, and when it's not, we have to control our fears and strong emotions. Of course, I was wanting him to be "the one," him to be perfect, me to be perfect, and my family to like him. I wanted him to be constantly charming me and everyone and for everyone to be gushing about how I was so good at choosing perfect, wonderful boyfriends (lol). And then all the negative thoughts came rushing in that he didn't and I wasn't and maybe they weren't sure. Sometimes, at least for a second, it feels like once again, I have failed in love and life. Oh no!

But the stressful moments always end. We come back together, talk, hug, talk more, and move forward together. I love that we can do that so well. I guess this process is normal for everyone, but it felt especially important during that time. The whole trip was so important for our relationship. We've definitely entered a new level of depth and understanding and strength. We had so much fun together (as we do) and experienced so much together. Also, having a sweet, handsome man is amazing anytime, but especially during Christmas! And the truth is, people loved him so much, and (as I'm learning more and more) even if they didn't, it wouldn't matter because I do. 

Utah again:

After saying goodbye to everyone, my dad and Morgan (true heroes) drove us back to Utah on January 1st. We rented a car and headed straight back to temple square so Cristian could see more. We met up with our friend Joshua who had studied abroad in Logroño at the beginning of the year. That night, I gave Cristian a (mostly driving) tour of Provo which included BYU, Swig, the MTC, and both temples. Then we used our new Christmas present gift card to Cheesecake Factory in Orem, met up with Cristian's trainer from his mission, and then stayed the night at Deborah's house. How I love Deborah's family! She is my role model. I always feel so safe, loved, renewed, and full of the spirit when I spend time with them. It feels like home there. They also LOVED Cristian. They've been really focusing on learning Spanish and so Cristian read the Book of Mormon in Spanish with Dakota which was dear. The whole time with them was like heaven. 

Then next morning, we woke up and went to the Draper Temple. I was excited to drive him the back way over the big mountain, but it was SO foggy and we couldn't see anything the whole time, including when we were at the temple. I said that we must have brought the Spain weather with us. Still, the temple was gorgeous. Cristian officially doubled the number of temples he had been to, so that's nice. Then we stopped at Deseret Book, and Cristian, once again, was like a kid in a candy store. We bought a Jesus calendar, more pictures of Christ, temple recommend holders for those unfortunate souls who don't yet have a digital recommend (that thing has changed my life!), gifts for friends and ministering families, and CTR rings. Then before heading to the airport, we had the essential United States experience of Chik-fil-a! Sometimes I really miss eating fast food in a car. Maybe that's a problem, lol.

Back to Logroño:

Our trip home was shorter and less eventful than going. It was still really long and tiring. When we got to Bilbao something did happen. We were so excited to be almost home. It was about 8:00 pm and we had been waiting about an hour for our bus, when Cristian checked our tickets and realized he had accidentally booked them for the day before. Turns out there were no more seats or busses or carshares or Ubers under $300 for that night. He started calling everyone he could think of who could possibly help us, come pick us up, or give us a place to stay in Bilbao. All was to no avail. Finally I said "call the bishop," so he called our amazing bishop and told him our plight. The bishop said he would get back to us. We thought he would look for someone else to come rescue us. We thought wrong. He soon called back and told us he was on his way to pick us up. He drove four hours total, from 8 pm to midnight with no warning. He has two little kids. It was during the holidays. He had a million excuses, and he volunteered to pick us up. Cristian and I both cried after they got off the phone. We paid for his gas, but we were still blessed beyond measure!

Now we are back. Before going back to school, we had one more holiday! I got to celebrate my first ever Dia de Los Reyes' or Kings' Day. In Spain, the biggest holiday of the season is on January 6th. On the night of January 5th, the three wisemen bring presents to the children. In Logroño, the three wisemen come by helicopter! Then they are featured in a parade, and tiny king figurines are hidden inside a special cake/dessert specific to this day called Roscón. It was all delightful. 

January Life:

Other than that fun day, coming back to real life (as is customary in January always) was rough. My roommate turned the whole house's heat down to zero, and it's only ever on between 2-10 pm, and it's not terribly strong when it is on. It is finally feeling a bit warmer, and I bought a little space heater that has helped a lot. I also got a new mattress pad that is going to be such a game changer for my back. I am really enjoying hanging out with our friends, participating in our amazing ward, talking with Marcela (my Spanish is really improving), teaching all my lessons, and singing. 

I had a miracle related to singing! My choir here is not the best. It is slow moving and sometimes boring for me because it takes everyone so long to get their parts. Also some people have better sound and technique than others. But I stay in it because I like a lot of the repertoire, I like practicing my Spanish, I obviously love to sing, it's a cultural experience, and I like the conductor. He is from Moldova and has a lot of experience with opera as well as with choir. Our choir functions more like an opera chorus than a blendy choir, so that's kind of fun. I have always been the best at classical singing, and it's made me think that I need to do more with my solo voice. My director has a vocal school and teaches, and he's good. Unfortunately, I am broke as a joke. But I've been thinking about it for a long time, and I finally explained my situation to him and asked if I could just take one lesson a month to get me going. He said we would talk after choir that night. When we did, he said that he wants to learn English and suggested trading 30 minutes of English for 30 minutes of voice each week. Umm, yes. Perfect! I'm so excited!!! Now I will get a voice lesson every week, it will only take an hour total, I'll get to teach English to a motivated adult learner (my favorite), and the voice lesson will be free! So yeah. That was a huge blessing. 

Another blessing, as I mentioned, is that my Spanish is really improving. I feel like I turned another page. I'm able to have full conversations with Marcela and, as I just said, I'm taking voice lessons from someone who doesn't speak any English! It's definitely slow and hard sometimes, and I definitely don't get everything. I have a long ways to go, but I am getting there little by little. In the same vein, I am getting more and more comfortable in Spain. My schedule, shopping, the bus, my life all seem easier all the time. My parents just got to Ghana, which is definitely harder than here (more like Kiribati), and it's all new and overwhelming. I'm grateful that humans are good adaptors. We learn, we figure it out, we move forward, and we adapt until we know what we're doing and feel comfortable. I'm so proud of my parents, and myself!

Relationship:

Finally, I am so grateful for my dear, number one person, Cristian. Months ago, he said that we C3 (cubed, I don't know how to type the little three, but you know what I mean). Three Cs, Cristian, Clarissa, and Christ. I love being in a relationship who loves the Lord as much as I do. He serves the Lord with so much faith and selflessness. He makes my life better in so many ways. He is so good at practical service, emotional support, and making normal moments feel special. He is also so in love with me all the time! It feels so good. He also has weaknesses, and our relationship has showed me my own weaknesses more clearly. We are learning about each other and about ourselves. We are parsing through our past relationships in order to make this one stronger. We are building our relationship brick by brick with plans, goals, time, and practice in so many exciting ways. 

One I will share is our scripture study goal. This is so fun! Probably over half the days we read scriptures together. We try to be consistent, and we do our best. We have decided to follow Come Follow Me when we read together. Separately, we want to read the Book of Mormon during 2026. We made a study plan that divided it up, and Cristian suggested that any day one of us forgets to read, that person must pay three euros into a jar that we will spend together at the end of the year. We also said no listening and no reading ahead. I'm excited about it. 

Finally, I feel like a huge shift I have made in this relationship is that I put my focus much more on how I am feeling and how we are growing and working as a couple and much less on what other people think or how the relationship could be perceived. I mentioned earlier that I'm not always really good at it. Sometimes it stresses me out, but it has been so wonderful and empowering to slowly learn to trust and listen to myself (and my C3 group) more than on all these other outside voices. I am grateful for so many wonderful people who love and support me, and I am grateful for my growing self-compassion, self-reliance, and fortitude. 

Thanks for Reading a Novel:

So I guess this is what happens when I don't write for a month. I have to catch up by writing a million paragraphs. If you read this, thanks for caring enough to do it. If you didn't, no worries at all! I am grateful for where and how I find myself in 2026. I love that every new chapter, and even every moment, is a chance to be different. We don't have to change just for the sake of whipping ourselves into shape or even because we need to be perfect. We get to choose how to be because we want better outcomes. We want to be like Christ because we love Him and because we will be so much happier if we do things in a higher, more inspired way. What a gift that He gives us so many chances and so much precious time to change our processes, behavior, habits, and ways of thinking about ourselves and the world. I've been reading some awesome fiction and non-fiction that has made me think about how I have so much power to change and choose and create. Now, on to the doing, the tiny shifts, the incremental improvements, and the constantly flowing blessings. Carry on!

The pictures are in reverse order. :)