Loving Spain

 I am LOVING Spain! Time is just flying by so fast. I didn't write last week, but I'm determined to do better. It's hard that sometimes the parts of life we most want to document happen during the busiest seasons, when it's hard to find time to write. But here I finally am!

Two weeks ago, during sacrament meeting here in the Logroño ward, I was sitting, singing the sacrament hymn with the congregation (in Spanish, of course). Cristian had his arm around me, and his mom and our awesome YSA friend, Fernanda, sat on my other side. Suddenly, I was brought to tears (shocker, I know). But I felt such a strong reassurance from the spirit. I knew for sure that I was in the right place and that the Lord is proud of me for coming to Spain despite all the trouble I faced getting here. I felt so at peace and happy. 

Spiritually and emotionally, I have felt so secure, loved, and blessed. I have been incredibly well taken care of by Cristian especially, and also his mom, Marcela. I feel like their house is mine. I feel that way because they tell me every day. They feed me and love me and teach me how to do everything. Marcela is on fire with Duolingo. It's so cute to watch her proudly learning to say "excuse me" and "I am from Spain." She is the best kind of person, and she gave birth to the best kind of person. 

I've been hesitant to sing Cristian's praises on my blog (I've still done it some because I'm an open book). I remember too well having to delete things I wrote about my ex-husband and ex-fiance from Facebook. THAT is embarrassing and defeating. I fall in love easily and deeply, and I have a lot to say about the things and people I love. 

So obviously, I'm not trying to get hurt a million times. I think I have a propensity to jump in headfirst, believe in love, trust someone new, try again, and maintain wide-eyed hope. This is both a blessing and a curse. Therefore, throughout my relationship with Cristian, I have learned to keep a healthy part of me skeptical. I've learned to slow down. I've learned to love with my brain a little more. At the same time, I've learned that I can turn off, or at least turn down, my alarm system. That alarm system is really my own nervous system, and it gets triggered easily! After so much disappointment and broken hopes in the past, my brain and my anxious body go on high alert, trying to find and protect myself from threats that usually aren't even real. I'm like a war veteran who is scared of loud noises, but I'm scared of lots of things that come up in relationships. Luckily, I'm learning that just because something reminds me of an emotionally scary part of my past doesn't mean that I'm currently in danger. 

Well, all of this to say, I really love Cristian. There, I said it. Take that world! As we carefully, patiently build our relationship, I feel more and more confident, safe, and unafraid. I just feel really happy. We never know what will happen in the future, so I'm just allowing myself to believe and revel in the good happening in the present without getting too carried away by the weight of that future (at least most of the time). Everything is WAY better this better!

Also, as far as long-distance relationships go, I think we did really, really well. We were long-distance for ten months, learned so much of each other's languages, read the scriptures and prayed together almost every day, navigated a six- and then a nine-hour time difference, and grew so close. We both were willing to work and sacrifice to make it work, and it did! Even so, being in person is about a hundred times better. In Georgia, I learned how to be independent in a way I had never before. I won't lose that, but at the same time, getting held tight by my love every single day is a pretty good way to go. Love is great when you're both focused on living the gospel, really committed to each other, and putting in effort every day. We're not perfect, but I'm feeling really good about what we've got going. 

So yeah. Emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, I'm doing amazing. I'm also doing well logistically and practically, but I have had to use my brain so much! Very often since I've arrived in Spain, I've had to literally turn my music off just so I can concentrate harder on whatever simple task I'm doing because so many little (and sometimes big) things are different here. I feel like a little kid who needs to relearn how to do everything. I do love a cultural adventure and the challenge of it all, though, so it's mostly been really fun. I'm learning how to cook, which is partly specific to how things are done in Spain and partly just in general, since I struggle, lol. I'm learning to take the bus. (It's so much easier and better than I expected.) I'm learning Spanish, obviously. I joined a choir! It's the main choir of Logroño, it's 50 years old, and as community choirs go, they are pretty good. At least they sing a lot of fun classical repertoire. Also, everything is in Spanish. It's been so good for me. And they made me a soprano 2, which is shocking, haha. I'm learning how to dress, kind of. I don't know if I'll ever look as sleek and classy as a lot of people here, but I'll try. The dress code is pretty much the exact opposite of what you'd wear in Hawaii, so that's fun. I've learned to hang my clothes on the line out the window of our 5th-floor apartment. I've learned a lot.

I LOVE my roommates, my room, my friends, my cutie boyfriend, my tutoring students (I will finally meet my school students this week), my awesome ministering companion, my piano (that Cristian found and bought for me . . . I finally convinced him that I will pay for half of it), this beautiful perfect-sized city, the Spain schedule (most the time), and my cute new coat. 

My broken foot is super healed, the new Taylor Swift album is so fun and full of bops (as long as it's the clean version, lol), and General Conference was incredible (and I was in the before and after videos. . . unfortunately looking pretty dorky, but it's still fun). Christ lives, will fix all the problems, and loves us perfectly. And I love YOU, faithful reader!