Lean Not (Skip to the Middle if You Just Want the Spain Updates)

October 27, 2025

Lean Not (Skip to the Middle if You Just Want the Spain Updates)

Proverbs 5:3-5 is so often quoted that it is in danger of losing its meaning. But it is so powerful.

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not on thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."

What percent of your heart, or your spiritual "weight," is standing firmly on the Lord, and what percent is "leaning?" It's hard to do. It's hard to trust a harness in rock climbing, and it's sometimes hard to trust the Lord because the slopes of life can seem so treacherous. (Shout out to an amazing musical artist who writes about slopes being treacherous, lol)

Anyway, this week has been full of the Lord showing me that he is trustworthy. I got to watch my cousin's funeral this Friday. It was so beautiful. Cristian and I went to the Madrid temple on Saturday, so we spent about eight hours on the bus coming and going. I watched the funeral on our way home. It was dark and rainy, and he just held me as I cried. But it wasn't tears of despair. It was tears of tender love and humble light. My sister said that the reason Norah had no guile is that neither of her parents has any. They both spoke with so much gentleness and goodness and faith in Christ. Norah had written some beautiful, amazing things in her journal that felt like they were made for her family at this moment.

We often say that "the Lord has a plan." He doesn't just have a plan. He is fulfilling his plan for us.

Oftentimes in the past, I have been afraid of messing up God's plan for me. If I don't follow the spirit and the commandments and the guidance in my patriarchal blessing, it's over. Of course, I knew I could repent and be forgiven, but I didn't know if I could salvage God's plan for me.

But that's just it. It's HIS plan. I have free agency that I unfortunately use poorly all too often, but the Lord is doing wonders among us. But if I think that my mistakes are going to destroy all of God's plans or keep him from giving me good gifts, I think I'm a little too important. I am God's daughter, and daughters make mistakes. He is my perfect father, and perfect fathers forgive and bless and help and teach and support and love.

I have felt so, so blessed to be here in Spain. I am in the place the Lord wants me to be. I am with the people I need to be with. I can feel that so strongly. The Lord is showering blessings upon me that I didn't deserve or imagine. He is fixing and healing what he didn't break. He is guiding me step by step to the place he has envisioned for me. And all the in-between time wasn't wasted at all. It's one thing to say that "God is there" and another to experience it. I am experiencing it. So I will keep trusting in the most trustworthy person there is.

Ok. . . . .

Sorry if you have been reading this, waiting to hear about Spain. We are officially shifting gears here.

Spain is great. It's getting colder. I think I don't have a winter coat quite warm enough. It's not that it's so, so icily cold. Like it's been barely dipping into the 40s (talking Fahrenheit of course), but I spend so much more time out in it.

It's been really beautiful though! I just love being outside so much. It's so good for mental health. I'm becoming a bus pro. I still get on the wrong bus like once a week, but we're getting better!

Cristian also told me that I failed to talk about our Ward Party on my blog. Last weekend we had such a fun ward party. Cristian was in charge of it, and he delegated that I be in charge of planning the decorations. When we had the Valentine's party in February, his decorations were amazing. So I tried to measure up! Haha the theme was International Day, so I ordered international flags on strings that we hung from the ceiling (Cristian and Ruben hung them). We (mostly me and the sister missionaries) also hand-drew/colored a bunch of flags that we stuck to the walls. The actual activity was so fun. We had presentations and talents and food from a bunch of countries, mostly South American. I danced the Cotton Eyed Joe with the missionaries, and then I sang the National Anthem. It went ok, but I should have known that the Cotton Eyed Joe would make me out of breath. I should have sung first, haha!

My school is going well. I really, really love all the teachers. I visit every English class in the school, so the whole student body knows me. When they randomly see me around town, they get very excited, which makes me happy!

This weekend was great. My wonderful American roommate, Natalie, had a birthday party. She turned 23. We had lots of cool people and a lot of wine here, lol. I spent most of the time talking to these two super nice British girls who are also doing our program. Cristian and I went to Madrid on Saturday to go the temple. It was such a wonderful day. I just love hanging out with him. We are so comfortable and happy together. There is a lot of laughing and teasing, talking about everything, sweet romantic moments, and feeling the spirit. We both cried and just hugged each other in the celestial room. It's also the prettiest celestial room!!

Yesterday after church, we spent time with Cristian's sister, Natalia, and her boyfriend, who live four and a half hours away. It was the most time I had ever spent with her, and it made me really happy. They even came to sacrament meeting with us! Then, at 6 pm, we had our first emotional self-reliance class. Cristian is the facilitator/leader, and it was so fun to watch him. He did such a great job!

Church and classes are hard for me because I just want to share and participate and make friends, and sometimes I feel so dumb and slow. Everyone is so, so nice to me, but it's just exhausting to listen for hours. Learning a language is a PROCESS, and I'm not the queen of patience. But we're getting there. It's humbling for me to feel more like a little kid who always needs extra help and a lot less like an impressive success. Good thing I have a lot of really wonderful helpers.

Ok, that was a lot. Thanks for reading. Most of you are not awake yet, but have a wonderful week. Love you, bye!

Cristian's mom, sister, and sister's boyfriend after church!

A cute 11-year-old kid who is investigating the church. He gets on our same bus. He comes to everything by himself. He's getting baptized in two weeks!