The Club

 Side note: This weekend was the Dahl Reunion and the start of the Elko Temple Open House! What a huge, huge blessing it is to have the house of the Lord and all it represents so close to home. ❤️ There was so much love and spirit to be felt.

When bad things happen to us, we join a club, or maybe it’s one of many clubs. When we suffer, we better understand those suffering all around us. When something unexpected happens all at once, or if it creeps up on us so gradually, it bursts open the paper facade that everything is going great, everything is fine. 

No one is ever feeling completely wonderful, or if we are, it’s for a very, very short duration. Then, no matter how much faith or grit or gumption we have, the troubles set back in. Such is the nature of life. 

We know that Jesus heals. Sometimes we can feel him all around us and miracles are palpable, and sometimes we really, really can’t, and it’s thick, inky darkness that reins in our view. 

This weekend, I had three precious, eye-opening conversations with three people I really love. And each conversation found its curvy way to the topic of this universal club, as well as its many, many sub-departments. 

I was fortunate to grow up surrounded by many very strong, happy marriages. Nice in a million years did I imagine that I would experience divorce. Yet, as so many seem to do, I found myself in a precarious, painful, and lonely position that I couldn’t have before fathomed. Yet there I was. And here I am. And here are these three loved-ones. 

We are standing and walking and eating breakfast and taking showers and enjoying social events. But we, and probably you, have been through some things.

After I got divorced, I was indescribably grateful for so many people, but especially meaningful and helpful were those who reached out with empathetic hearts of understanding backed by real experiences of their own divorces. But it wasn’t just divorces. Friends who brought up experiences of infidelity, singleness, other kinds of relationship problems, and so many other challenges, were able to “mourn with those that mourn” in such a deeper way. I was the one that mourned and they knew how I felt because they could relate in some small way.

It’s impossible for mortals to fully understand something they’ve never experienced and every situation is different, but there are often many similarities, as there were with my friends. Fellow travelers in the same “club” will recognize similar feelings in each other. 

Yes, every divorce (or sick child or faith crisis or financial hardship or family tragedy) is different, but the love and perspectives of these fellow similar-trial-havers is precious and powerful. They’re in my club.

One of the dear people I talked to this weekend quoted (from somewhere) this truth: “that which is most personal is most universal.” The tender fears and struggles of my past experiences and the ongoing fears, trauma, refinement, learning, and hope I’m experiencing now seem so unique. Well, they’re not completely. 

My divorce has given me deeper capacity to understand your pain and problems and vice versa. Only the Lord can say he knows every detail, and he does know every one, right along with all the sands of the sea. And only he can actually, permanently transform our wounds into strength and joy. 

But I can sure help! And you can help me! That’s the club. The whole, entire club, all subdivisions fusing into one. 

There will always be certain people who “get” you and your problems better, or way, way, way better than others, but this world is just swarming with bonafide club members. 

 Unless you somehow spent your entire life in a magic glass box without any trials, you qualify for this empathetic, universal club. It’s not the rainbow and smiley face club. It’s marked by scars and tear-stained faces and secret, hidden fears. It’s also marked by resilience and service and compassion and forgiveness and humility and strength. It’s marked by those who let their trials soften them and then soften others. 

I’m not grateful for trials, but I’m grateful for my membership in the tender subdivision of those who have experienced divorce. And I’m grateful for my deepening capacity to empathize with others in the ultimately-expansive club of humanity. 

We really all are on the same boat. If I win and you lose in things of eternal import, I didn’t really win. Let’s ascend together as we imperfectly lean on and love each other when we need it, because we all really need it. That’s the whole point of the club.