Even Though

What we focus on expands. I didn't write during the weekend, like I have been doing, because I was distracted. I was distracted by some wonderful, exciting, happy things and some really hard, stressful things. I have been trying to decide which to write about. I think it's important to acknowledge both. It can be really tempting to always put the very, very best foot forward and only portray the glittery, fun parts of life. That's exactly why social media can be . . . glittery, show-off-y. On the other hand, it can be so intimidating and kind of embarrassing to mention the challenges of life. We get the feeling that it's not very polite, or we will be labeled as a complainer. I remember the cryptic, attention-seeking posts of the very early days of Facebook: "feeling sad" they would bemoan. "No one understands me and life isn't fair." "I'm sorry. What happened?" the comments would question. Obviously, we don't want to be that person. 

I don't want to share my life so that someone will feel sorry for me. I also don't want to share my life to make someone jealous. The reason I love to write about my life (and post it here) is that I want to make sense of its nuances and be completely honest. I want hold on to something meaningful. 

I've learned something this week (along with the fact that what you focus on expands). I've learned that being completely honest doesn't mean being completely transparent. These two truths actually go together perfectly. Every person has like millions of thoughts every day (I just looked it up and it's actually just thousands, but still . . . a lot). We can't grab onto every one. We can't honor and appreciate every one. We can't even believe each one, unless we want to go a little crazy. We all have thoughts (and words and experiences) that quite simply aren't worth our time. 

So which ones should we hold onto? Which ones should we focus on and allow to expand? I think it's kind of obvious, and we already know. The good ones. The famous "good fruit" quote by Brigham Young that we always talk about in Nauvoo compares our thoughts to fruit. Good, positive, helpful, uplifting thoughts, like good fruit, should be reveled in, focused on, and shared. Negative, complaining, heavy, critical, depressive thoughts, like bad fruit, should be dropped to the ground without any more notice. 

We don't need to, nor should we, pretend like our lives are perfect or that bad things never happen. We need each other, and it's our sacred charge to "mourn with those that mourn." There is such a thing as toxic positivity. And as I was saying at the top of this post, we need to be honest and care about truth, postive and negative. Still, if we can focus a bit more on the good, our worlds won't just feel more full of good; they will actually become more full of good. Our thoughts are physical and real, and the vibes we send out actually make a huge difference. 

I spent a lot of this week surrounded by wonderful, loving people who made me so happy. My roommates came to visit all the way from Georgia, and they loved their first visit to the West. We laughed, talked, and visited the really important Utah destinations: Temple Square, BYU, East High, and Swig. We floated down the Provo River, and all our tubes popped (and a lot more hilarious, crazy things happened). They brought me joy and made me better and happier, and I want to share that. 

I also spent some time this week feeling down on myself and down on others. I made some mistakes and made some situations worse. I let my trauma, emotions, desire to control, and fears take over. I judged others and judged myself. Even though I was surrounded by blessings, for multiple days, I totally ruminated on the bad, and this really hijacked my brain. Luckily, what I focus on is a choice, and I can start counting my blessings right now instead of continue to hold a microscope over my problems. 

Now is my chance to expand on the good, not to show how awesome everything already is, but in hopes of seeing them in a different light and even improving how things really are. Gratitude is like that. Kind of magic. 

So here are the good parts: 

I got to know my cousin Ruby so much better. Even though her mom and sister were in the hospital, we got to spend the week together during the Ely career camp I ran with my dad. She is amazing in so many ways, and now we have a great, new, closer relationship. 

Taylor Swift was on Travis Kelce's podcast and talked about her life and music for TWO hours! She announced new music!!! Even though her new album photos are quite disappointingly immodest, we still love Taylor with all our hearts and can't wait for the new album to come out on October 3rd (my half birthday). Hooray!

I have amazing, high-quality people in my camp. My mom, dad, siblings, boyfriend, grandparents, roommates, friends, ward members, students, and on and on, who inspire me all the time! Even though sometimes people (including myself) can feel difficult and frustrating, they are really wonderful and would do anything for me. 

I have free agency, knowledge, repentance, time, and energy. Even though I make plenty of mistakes and can be hard on myself, there are still so many chances to become better and resources to help me. I can create the person and life I want, little by little. 

Jesus Christ lives and loves me. Even though we each have our fair share of trials, those trials don't stand a chance against Christ's power, grace, and love. Uncertainty will always be there. We should treat it with love and respect it, knowing that Christ is always at the helm. 

I will always, always have things to worry about. I will welcome them with love and acceptance, just let them be, and then set them down so that I can focus on something more important. I will also always have so many blessings. I will try to hold them, treasure them, share them, and magnify them. 

Once again, I feel the urge to apologize for another very emotion-y blog post. Well, I'm not going to! :) Life is hard and also really, really good, and that's the truth. So thanks for reading. Love ya!