Whole

 My mom and I (and sometimes Liberty) have been really into the Wordle lately, as well as some of the other New York Times games. They're fun! Sorry if I'm giving it away, but the Wordle today was "whole." What a perfect word. I sang "Make Me Whole" from the Lamb of God in Sacrament Meeting, and Liberty taught Relief Society about Camille M. Johnson's talk "Spiritually Whole in Him." I left church feeling very whole. 

My favorite line in that song is "Touch my heart and bid it know that every sorrow here is but a moment's tear, and Thou wilt make me whole again." I had quite a few tears this week, and I had an amazing week compared to some people I know. My dear aunt Katie and my cousin Olivia got into a terrible, terrible car accident that wasn't their fault. There are a lot of broken bones and a broken diaphragm, and I don't even know what else. They are in bad shape, especially Olivia, who's just a teenager. My poor uncle Tabor has hardly slept, and everyone in the family is doing their part to help. Like I said about community and Zion last time, they're at it again. Even my grandma, with all her health problems, and my grandpa, who hates to leave home more than anyone on earth, went for multiple days and stayed with them in the hospital for hours. 

But there's just a lot of sorrow. It's been a tough week, and people who are struggling are still helping those who are struggling worse. Still, I know that all of our sorrows will be "but a moment's tear," or as Joseph Smith was told, "a small moment." Sometimes our small moments don't seem that small. I'm sure Joseph Smith's moments didn't feel very small to him most of the time. 

Cristian and I have been reading all of President Nelson's talks, and we have gotten as far back as 2021. It was during Covid, and General Conference was completely virtual. Things were crazy and hard for pretty much everyone, but President Nelson spoke with such faith and hope and confidence for the future. He promised that Covid would pass and get better. At the time, it sure felt like things were taking forever to get better, but of course they did. From this future perspective, it's easy to know that, of course, everything was going to get better. I guess that's eternal perspective in action. 

Liberty's lesson was awesome, and we discussed the difference between physical or emotional healing and spiritual wholeness. Physical and emotional healing can be SLOW. I have emotional trauma from my divorce and other past relationships that is sure taking a long time to heal. It's going to take more than a while for Katie and Olivia to be back to normal physically and probably psychologically too. And my grandma won't get her missing lung back until the resurrection. 

But the point isn't just being healed. It's the feeling of wholeness that comes from a relationship with Jesus Christ. When life is heavy and messy and scary, the Lord doesn't just take those infirmities away, at least not yet. He lets us learn from the struggles of mortality for some wise purpose. But he will give us immediate love, strength, forgiveness, grace, peace, and goodness. We won't always feel those nice feelings or be completely healed or whole until heaven, but we can feel bathed in his love and power, at least for a moment. 

I need to create those moments for myself. Moments where I'm purposefully letting Him in to soften and touch my heart and change me for the better. I know I can be spiritually whole, not because I have everything together and am wonderfully perfect and complete, but because Jesus is. 

Let's keep holding tight to Him.