Italy and Owning My Life

 Italy was amazing! It was gorgeous and wonderful and I loved it. It reminded me a lot of Spain, but with even more statues. The cathedrals and castles and all the history were so incredible. I'm grateful to live on an earth that preserves and protects history and art the well as it does. I'm grateful that I am allowed to go see it. 

We got to so much because my mom is so organized. She had the best tickets already pre-bought for each place, and we saw a lot. We ate good food, saw beautiful nature, and walked a LOT. 

Unfortunately, I had a lot of trouble with my foot. My parents are really hardcore vacationers. They don't rest much and they walk fast. I was trying to keep up, and my foot got worse and worse. Six months ago, when it snowed in Georgia, I walked a LOT in one week and wore these hard, flat hiking boots, and I think somehow I fractured my foot. It hurt a lot when I walked very much, and it was hard both times I went to Spain. But we would always just stop and rest when I needed to. On this trip, I had to just keep going, and it was not good. Luckily, in this small town of Montepulciano, I found a boot. So now I'm in a boot for six weeks. I hope it heals. 

But we finally got to Rome, and my love came to join us! It was SO good to see him. I rode the train for an hour just to meet him at the airport, only to be waiting at the wrong arrivals place. But we finally found each other and were just so happy! Some of my favorite parts of the trip, maybe because he let me choose our pace (super slow), were when the two of us split from the others. 

Also, Rome is just incredible! It's a romantic city. One of the tour guides said that Rome is like a lasagna because there are literal layers underground from so many different times in history. And there is just so, so much! It would take months to see it all. But we just wandered around and saw the Roman Forum and a bunch of beautiful churches and arches and statues, and it was so magical. We also all toured the Colosseum and the Vatican. Amazing!

And it was so exciting, after all these months, for Cristian to meet my family (at least my parents and Hyrum). He did so well with them. He spoke English so well, gave them all a present, and helped my mom figure out the bus schedule. He and Hyrum really got along, and he asked my dad for lots of life advice. And best of all, he treats me so wonderfully. I was hobbling along in my boot, and he carried my bag and my water, took amazing pictures for me, and was generally wonderful. 

Every day, I just feel so close to him, safe and secure, and so much less worried about the future. I have healed so much, and he has helped me with that. We both have relationship trauma, so even though mine is different from his, we can both really understand each other. He has taught me to work toward the future with faith while fully enjoying and living in the present. He is kind and funny and loving and good. I really love him. 

I am so excited to live in the same town (and continent) as him soon. He is applying for a visa to come here in August, so today he wanted us to both fast for our visas. We both have our appointments next week! We still have a lot to learn about each other and experience together, and excited for it. 

Sometimes it feels hard to talk to people about him because it's not like it's the first boy I ever talked to. I feel like I should be embarrassed because my past, at least in relationships, can look like a failure. I thought each one was "the one." Being divorced and unengaged doesn't exactly inspire confidence in my dating choices. 

And then there's the other elephant in the room (at least in some rooms), and that is my propensity to date guys from different countries and cultures. Of course, they haven't all been that way, but most have. 

Luckily, I have learned a lot . . . from the spirit, from an awesome therapist, and from very wise people in my life. I am so loved. People are naturally going to be curious, interested, and invested in my life and choices. And that investment can very easily turn into advice and opinions. People speak from their own perspective, and I'm grateful that I am surrounded by supportive, loving people who want the best for me, even if their perspective is different from mine. 

But the biggest thing I've learned is that I can trust myself, especially if I'm following the spirit. None of my past choices were big mistakes. I did the best I could in each situation and made the best choices I could, trying to repent along the way. And other people had their agency to make their choices, and the Lord was blessing and helping me all the time. He made sure I got where I needed to be. 

Well, right now, this is where I need to be. I'm happy and optimistic about the future, and Satan can't tell me not to be. I'm dating Cristian Maldonado, and he's kind of the best ever. 

The Lord is so with me! He was with me when I got my mission call to New Zealand, when I transferred to BYUH, when I got married, when I got into the Tabernacle Choir, when my husband left me, when I got divorced, when I dated again, when I got engaged, when I got un-engaged, when I moved to Georgia, when I met Cristian, and when I decided to move to Spain. 

I'm grateful for all of these things. Not just because it sounds good or because it's nice to put a positive spin on things and say that you're grateful for trials. No way! I'm really, really, actually so grateful for all the things that have happened to me for so many reasons. I've lived and learned so much and had so many defining experiences that have turned me into the person I am, a person I love and have learned to really like. And life is more fun when it's an adventure. No one can accuse me of leading a boring life.

I think I like my life and my past in the same way that people like running or being in the Tabernacle Choir or having kids or starting a business or doing anything worthwhile. We don't always expect or choose the hard parts, and a lot of times we really, really hate the hard parts and just want to give up, but we can't and we don't because the good is too worth it. I have been in the lowest of lows and the most beautiful, unimaginable highs. 

But even more than that, I've gained more and more abiding peace. And right now, I am so blessed. I am sick, I lost my voice, and I'm in this silly boot, but I have a great family, an amazing boyfriend, and an exciting life. 

Also, I definitely recommend Italy. Ten out of ten.