Hold On

I'm pretty sure it was President Oaks who said that the hardest battles we will ever face will take place in the silent chambers of our own hearts. I believe that, and I experienced a bit of it today. 

I, unfortunately, am known for having high highs and low lows emotionally. Today was a battle in multiple ways. I had to fight my own fears, trauma, weaknesses, and physical, mental, spiritual, financial, relational, and logistical concerns. I had to remind myself to be kind to myself. My therapist points out how often I speak very negatively about myself. I would never say about someone else the things I say about myself. I'm learning. 

Today had some challenges, but they are over, and I'm still here. That reminds me of a song I sang with Lux Choir AND the Tabernacle Choir called "Hold On." One line says "It's this day not me, that's bound to go away." And the other verse says, "It's this storm not me, that's bound to blow away." 

The chorus says: 

Hold on
Hold on to someone standing by
Hold on
Don't even ask how long or why
Child, hold on to what you know is true
Hold on 'til you get through
Child, oh child
Hold on

I am holding on, and I will be ok. Everything good will last, and everything bad will fade or be strengthened and transformed by the grace of Christ. 

There is so much power in perspective. I think most people are doing pretty well, and at the exact same time, they are really struggling. Like me for example. This week was full of amazing people and gratitude and fun. It also had more than its share of worry, anxiety, and problems. I've come to realize that this is pretty normal. Most weeks for most people are simultaneously pretty good and pretty hard. 

Now I get to choose. What story am I going to tell myself about this moment? How am I going to think about my life? Sometimes I'm tempted to ask everyone BUT myself to interpret how they think I'm doing. But I'm learning to fight my anxiety, stop searching for outward approval, and trust myself a little bit more. I will tell myself that I'm doing pretty well, that everything's going to be ok, and that God can do His work (which is to help me do my work). I'm not alone, I'm on the good team, and my life is full of blessings. 

Sometimes there's a day (or a month or a year or more) that tries to knock us down. Well, unlike us, those bad times are BOUND to go away. So grab the iron rod and hold on!