Comparison is the Thief of Joy

About an hour ago, I felt a feeling that I haven't felt in a long time.  It was the feeling of pure jealousy.  I was watching the Instagram story of an a cappella group that I once tried out for.  It was one of things where one person takes over the account for the day.  Do you know what I'm talking about?  They go through their whole day showing us their great life while representing the page.  Today, I knew the girl doing it!  I was in choir in Provo with her ages ago and so I watched.  I watched as she got the oil changed on her fancy little car, fabulously taught a Zumba class, gave a voice lesson to a fellow college student, showed us her lunch of chicken, blueberries, carrot sticks, and hummus, talked about how much she loves to make healthy, colorful meals and work out every morning because it makes her feel good, answered questions about her exercise science major and how she loves to teach people how to take control of their health, showed pictures of some of her makeup clients who were almost as gorgeous as she was, and talked about how she was blessed to be a member of the a cappella group.

For some reason, as she talked I couldn't help but think about my beat-up little car with lots of problems that still needs an oil change, how terrible I am at Zumba, how I dropped out of my vocal performance major and don't even take voice lessons, how I ate a much larger and less colorful lunch than she did, how I sometimes purposefully avoid exercise science majors because they intimidate me, how I didn't do my makeup today, and how I had unsuccessfully auditioned for that very a capella group when I was in Provo.

I decided to move on to something else....

which turned out to be a wedding video of another girl I vaguely remember from before my mission.  It was absolutely perfect, and I suddenly wished that it was mine.

It was at this moment that I realized what I was doing...I was coveting, which, as you know, is against the commandments.  I turned off my phone and sat for another twenty-five seconds, wallowing in my inferior life.  It was then that I realized how many small moments I've had just like that throughout the years.  Seeing someone more beautiful, more fun, more successful, more something and wishing it was me instead--it's a terrible feeling, yet I've allowed myself to feel it countless times.

Now you'll remember that I said this was a feeling I haven't felt in a long time.  Luckily, my experiences are teaching me and I am teaching myself that I'm not meant to have the life of another person.  I have things worth offering and I have unique missions to fulfill.

It took a minute to get back to that place, but I was so relieved when I did!  I might not be the most successful or the most beautiful or even the most kind or happy, but that's ok.  I'm probably not "the most" of very many things at all, when you're comparing with the entire world, but the point is this: Life isn't meant to be compared anyway.  I can still be successful, beautiful, happy, and kind.  It's not a race, and heaven doesn't have a finite number of spots.  I can rejoice in the life of that girl I used to know on Instagram, which I'm sure isn't as neat and tidy and perfect as it seemed during the three minute snippet I got of it.  I can also rejoice in my own life, because it's real and it's wonderful.

I have a car with a lot of problems . . . that's adorable, that gets me places, named Corby!
I am not very good at dancing . . . but that doesn't stop me from going out of my comfort zone and having so much fun trying.
I am not a music major anymore . . . but I still have amazing music opportunities and LOVE my current major and use it serve others by teaching English.
I love food and don't love exercise . . . but I'm trying, sometimes more successfully than other times, and it's ok.
I don't always wear makeup . . . but I am happy either way.
I didn't make it into that amazing a capella group . . . but if I had I never would have transferred schools and found this amazing place where I need to be!
I don't look like a model . . . but I have a wedding video of my own that makes me cry with joy and a wonderful husband that thinks I'm so beautiful.

Comparison is so easy, but it's the thief of joy.  The giver of joy is gratitude.

So be grateful for who you are and what you have, rejoice in the successes of others, bravely and hopefully strive to improve yourself with the knowledge that imperfection is part of reality.  It's a better way to see the world.